


all this devotion

by orphan_account



Category: Free!
Genre: Established Relationship, First Time, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective!Rei, Sexual Content, They're both a bit pathetic, set after 2x05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-22
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-26 07:54:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2644076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nagisa talks to his parents, stays on the swim team and gets all the hugs he deserves (plus a little more from Rei)</p>
            </blockquote>





	all this devotion

**Author's Note:**

> well I started this after Nagisa's episode, gave up, came back months later after a rewatch and somehow morphed it into a pathetic little first time fic because I am a terrible excuse for a human being. glossed over the important parts but so did kyoani

The ride to Nagisa’s house goes by way too fast. They’re all squashed in Ama-chan’s car, Nagisa tucked in the back seat between Mako-chan who’s tapping his foot and Rei who’s muttering, scribbling down a plan on the back of an old receipt. Nagisa sits quietly, hands clenched in fists, gnawed nails digging into his palms, staring at the streetlights as they blur past the window.

They’re close. Any minute now, they’ll turn onto his street. Rei takes Nagisa’s hand and twines their fingers together, squeezes for reassurance. Nagisa’s heart pounds and all he wants to do is collapse against his boyfriend and snuggle up under his arm, fall asleep in the back of the dark car and maybe cry, just a little. He also wants to grab Rei and roll dramatically out of the car, flee into the night like two undercover spies and start a new life with a colony of friendly penguins who are entirely unconcerned with mathematical ability and test scores. He decides against it in the end, but only because he’d be devastated if he could only communicate with the rest of his friends in cryptic code for the rest of his life. That, and he just can’t imagine Rei-chan pulling off a smooth exit from a moving vehicle.

Nagisa feels sick when they pull up outside his house. He realises idly that he skipped dinner - Nagisa _never_ skips dinner. His mother’s standing in the doorway and Nagisa catches sight of her tense shoulders, her stern face. His heart sinks. They’re not going to listen. They’re _never_ going to change their minds.

He knows that he has to talk to his parents. That doesn’t mean he wants to.

“Hazuki Nagisa,” she says sternly, before he’s even closed the car door.

“I’m really sorry,” he says, eyes on the ground as she lectures him in the driveway, he’s so irresponsible, he’s in so much trouble, they were so worried _._ “Sorry,” is all he can say when say when she’s finished, when she pulls him into a tight hug.

His mother’s eyes widen when she pulls back and looks around, like she’s only just realised the entire Iwatobi swim team are assembled on her doorstep.

“Thank you for bringing Nagisa home,” she says, bowing her head.

“It’s no problem,” says Ama-chan, “We’re just relieved he’s alright.”

“Did it take the entire swim team to convince you to come home?” his mother asks.

“We’re here to support Nagisa,” Mako-chan says with a smile, hand resting on Nagisa’s shoulder.

“I need to talk,” Nagisa says shakily, “To you and dad.”

“We’ll talk tomorrow,” his mother says, tugging on her cardigan.

“Please _,”_ is all Nagisa can say, as he blinks sadly at her. He tries to channel that teary innocent look that used to work for him sometimes, when he was a kid and his sisters were being total brats.

“Come in,” she says, sighing. “All of you.”

Nagisa turns to look back at everyone - Haru and Makoto holding his bags, Rei clutching at his receipt, Ama-chan, nodding her head. _You can do it,_ their eyes say. Nagisa takes a big breath and big step into the house.

They sit around the large western dining room table, his team, his teacher and his parents. Nagisa stares at a photo on the wall, himself and his sisters on the beach years ago, grinning. It’s easier than meeting his parent’s eyes. It’s the first time Nagisa’s invited all his friends over and he wishes they were here for something fun, like a big party with a ton of food, or maybe a sleepover. Anything but this horrible, tense and sickening moment. Nagisa feels nervous energy bubbling inside him, and he wants to run away, jump on a train plane spaceship _anything_ to escape. He starts weighing up who he could outrun, if he _had_ to. (Haru - definitely, Mako - maybe, Rei – ugh. Nagisa just had to go and fall for the star of the track team, didn’t he?)

No. He clenches his fists and raises his head. He’s done running. He has to be.

“I was wrong to run away,” he forces out, voice cracking. “And I’m really sorry. I should’ve just been honest with you.”

Nagisa always thought that things would be fine as long as he kept grinning, as long as he ran fast enough, swamfast enough, surrounded himself with the people he cares so much about. One day, he thought, he’d be the cool hero at the end of a movie and everything would be wonderful _._ Now, he thinks it might be okay to just stand still. He’s got everything he needs, to encourage him to be brave – Makoto’s warm smile, Haru’s steady gaze, Rei’s hand squeezing his under the table.

And he’s not eloquent like Rei or concise like Haru, he’s just Nagisa but he does his best, rambling through, forcing out his feelings about how much swimming means, how happy it makes him, how hard he’s going to work from now on, keeps going until he’s in tears, until he’s pleading to please please _please_ stay on the swim team, until he’s too choked up to even speak.

“I-I believe I can help,” Rei says, taking over, voice shaking as everyone turns to look at him. “My grades are consistently in the top 5% of our class,” he continues gaining confidence, pushing at his glasses, “A-and if you’d allow it I’d gladly tutor Nagisa-kun.”

“Ryuugazaki-kun is one of our best students,” Ama-chan verifies.

“We’ll help too, right Haru?” Makoto says. Haru nods firmly in agreement.

“It’s a kind offer,” his dad says, “But when will Nagisa have time to study if he’s spending every day at the pool?”

“It’s not much,” Rei says, pulling the receipt from his pocket, “And perhaps a little presumptuous of me, but I drew up a rough timetable of how it might work. Just as an example.”

Rei slides it across the table for his parents to look at, and Nagisa pats his thigh - _nice work Rei-chan._ He feels so proud of Rei, the youngest in the room, commanding everyone’s attention so politely.

“Please _,_ ” says Nagisa, “All I need is one chance, just let me try, and when my grades improve-”

“We’d have to think about it,” his dad says.

“O-of course,” says Nagisa, shrinking back into his seat.

Nagisa holds his breath as his mother’s eyes soften. “It really means that much to you?”

“Yes,” Nagisa insists, “I love swimming with everyone! Probably more than anything! _”_

Even more than snacks and naps, he thinks.

“There is no swim team without Nagisa,” Makoto says.

“He’s irreplaceable,” Haru adds softly.

“We have a lot to work out,” his mother insists. “You’re still in big trouble for running away. And if your grades don’t improve dramatically…”

“I’ll quit,” Nagisa insists, “If they don’t. But they will! They’ll be like a thousand timesbetter. I’m going to work so hard!”

His parents exchange a long look. The room is too quiet, too tense. Nagisa’s nails claw into his thighs under the table to stop himself from bursting into tears again.

And then his dad sighs, and says, “Okay.”

Nagisa almost falls off his chair.

“ _Okay?_ ”

They have to repeat it three times before Nagisa can accept it’s real. He can stay on the swim team. _He can stay on the swim team._

His team gasp and laugh, and Nagisa beams, leaps to his feet, heart soaring in his chest as the throws his arms around both his parents and shouts, “Thank you!”

“If your grades don’t improve…”

“I promise they will!”

“If you feel so strongly, you better make it to nationals,” his dad says.

“We will,” Nagisa insists. “Just wait!”

 

Nagisa’s overflowing with happiness, crushed in the middle of a group hug from his team, when his mother points out how late it is. She insists their parents must be worried and thanks them for taking care of Nagisa as she guides them towards the door.

Nagisa’s heart sinks as Ama-chan offers to drop them off at home.

The thought of spending the night alone makes Nagisa’s breath come out sharp and short. He thinks about the empty silence when everyone’s gone, and he can’t stand it, not tonight. He craves company, just wants someone to hold his hand while he basks in relief like it’s sunshine.

Nagisa catches Rei’s eyes and shoots a desperate look in his direction.

“I can make my own way home!” Rei says, a little too loudly. “After all, I live in the complete opposite direction to Haruka-senpai and Makoto-senpai. I wouldn’t want to cause trouble. I’ll just catch the train.”

“What if you’ve missed the last one?” Makoto frowns.

“Then I’ll walk,” Rei insists. “It’ll only take around thirty-seven minutes at a brisk pace.”

“Ryuugazaki-kun,” warns Ama-chan. “It’s late.”

“Stay over,” Haru says. “If you want.”

“Haruka-senpai,” Rei says, looking all sparkly and touched.

“But _Rei-chan_ ,” Nagisa says, with an insistent glare, “Doesn’t Haru-chan live too far away for you to get your school stuff in the morning?”

“Oh.” Rei says, guilt flashing across his face. “Yes. Well.” He sighs, looking terribly pained. “Please, don’t let me hold everyone up. I’ll figure something out.”

“Ah! What if...” Nagisa says. “No, I’m in too much trouble. It’s just,” he dares to glance at his parents, “If only Rei-chan could spend the night _here…_ That’d solve all his problems, don’t you think?”

His dad stands up taller, folding his arms across his chest.

“Nonsense, Nagisa-kun,” Rei says, waving his arms around. “I’ll just go home and draw up a plan for your grade improvement. I’ll submit a final draft first thing in the morning.”

Nagisa sucks in his breath and watches his parents have another one of those telepathic grown up conversations, all eyebrow raises and little head tilts. He flutters his eyelashes vigorously, putting everything he’s learn over the years about being cute and persuasive into one pleading look, because what other choice does he have?”

Finally, his mother sighs. “Ryuugazaki-kun,” she says, cautiously, “If your parents don’t mind, I suppose you _could_ spend the night here.”

After a few polite _no I couldn’t possibly intrude_ s from Rei, it’s decided. He’ll stay the night. Nagisa feels so relieved as he hugs his other friend’s goodbye, like his whole body is lighter, like he can move without feeling like his limbs are dragging across the floor.

“See you tomorrow,” Makoto says, in the doorway. “We’re proud of you.”

Haru smiles so softly and Nagisa feels sunshine seep into his heart, feels tears prickle in his eyes again. He has the best friends, _the best friends._ He loves them so much.

“T-Thank you,” is all he can stutter out, waving as they leave. “Thank you!”

 

Nagisa’s terrified one of his parents is going to say something tragic like, “Ryuugazaki-kun can sleep in Nanako’s old room,” so he says goodnight to his parents, hugs them again, and drags Rei up the stairs at the first opportunity, pressing his back against the bedroom door to click it shut.

“Well,” says Rei, “That’s not exactly how I hoped to introduce myself to your parents.”

“Don’t say it,” Nagisa says, eyes fixed on the floor.

“Say what?”

“That you were right. That if I was honest instead of running away then… just don’t lecture me, okay?”

“I wasn’t going to,” Rei says, stepping closer. “I was going to commend you, for being so brave and speaking so honestly with your parents like that.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Nagisa blushes and he can’t quite look Rei in the eyes. He’s not brave. He’s not anything like his friends.

“I would appreciate it if you’d talk to me next time. Though I realise it might not always be convenient…”

“I will. Promise. Sorry, Rei chan. I wanted to come hang out, but I knew you’d be all, ‘ _Nagisa-kun, you must go home immediately!’_ and that was-” _Scary,_ he thinks.

Nagisa isn’t scared of much, but he had avoided Rei’s place deliberately. He’d thought his parents would look there first, he didn’t want Rei to fuss and worry. But most of all, he’d been terrified of facing Rei, who knows everything, with his logical approach and his perfect grades and his honest eyes _,_ and admitting he’d messed up. He’d been convinced that someone like Rei who thrives on calculations and gets hard for equations couldn’t possibly understand what it’s like to be terrible at studying, to have pressure chipping away at you as you try to laugh off yet _another_ awful test score.

He’d been wrong.

 “You were amazing today,” Nagisa says, “So smart and helpful and really _really_ cool. And you were so fast at working out who the perpetrator was! You’re the best. Thank you, Rei-chan.”

“Honestly, it was nothing!” Rei says, flushing pink, voice too loud for the room, “Really, there’s no need to thank me. In all honesty, it’s me who owes thanks to you.”

“Me?” Nagisa says, cocking his head to the side. “Why?”

“Ah, n-never mind!” Rei exclaims, a little stiffly. “But… you can rely on us, you know. That is… on _me._ ”

Nagisa beams and Rei’s whole face flushes, and they fall silent and it’s so _strange,_ so different to how they usually are – giggling or bickering about something, trying out new things, having excellent and exciting adventures, and it’s Nagisa’s fault, that they’re all icky and _serious_ like this.

“I’m happy you stayed,” Nagisa murmurs, after a long beat of silence. “So _so_ happy.”

“I was always going to,” Rei says, adjusting his glasses. “In all honestly, I was considering climbing the tree outside your bedroom window, as a last resort.”

“I wish I could’ve seen that,” Nagisa says, laughing softly, flopping forward to press his head against Rei’s chest.

“Not that you aren’t perfect capable of taking care of yourself, because I’m certain you are it’s just…” Rei eyes slide away from Nagisa’s. “All evening,” he admits, cheekbones dusted with pink, “I’ve wanted nothing more than to hold you.”

Nagisa collapses forward into Rei’s arms, grips him tight and just trembles against him, so thankful his world didn’t shatter to pieces, for Rei’s strong arms, holding him together.

“As I mentioned,” Rei murmurs into Nagisa’s hair. “I won’t allow you to leave.”

“You too,” Nagisa says, tugging at Rei’s shirt. “You’re stuck with me!”

“I can live with that,” Rei smiles.

He leans down and to press a light kiss on either side of Nagisa’s face, below his eyes, where his skin feels red and sore from crying, and Nagisa thinks that maybe he should have a crisis more often (but like, a fun one next time), because it’s rare for Rei to be so forward.

“Are you okay?” Rei asks, thumb stroking across Nagisa’s cheek.

“Yeah,” Nagisa smiles, warm and genuine. “Really tired but, I’m just so happy.”

“So am I,” says Rei. He smiles back so softly that it makes Nagisa’s chest ache. “We all are.”

The moment is ruined when Nagisa’s stomach growls loudly.

“Ah, yeah. I kind of skipped dinner,” Nagisa explains.

“Nagisa-kun,” Rei gasps, “You _have_ to eat something. Ordinarily I’d be able to offer you a balanced snack but I left my backpack at home…”

“Don’t worry, I always have plenty of snacks in my – _AH!_ I packed them all. When I ran away. And my bag’s downstairs.”

“Then allow me to go prepare you something!” Rei says, hands on his hips.

 “Ah – no, it’s fine! I’ll make sure eat a big breakfast tomorrow.”

“I’m worried about you!” Rei exclaims. “It’s so unlike you to lack an appetite. And I’ve _never_ seen you turn down food before. It’s not right!” He pushes his hand up against Nagisa’s forehead. “Don’t tell me you’re _sick.”_

“I’ll eat lots tomorrow! A big breakfast. Two cakes. Three pizzas. Four Iwatobi Cream Breads. _Maybe_ even some vegetables.”

“But-”

“Rei-chan,” Nagisa says, with a gentle hand on his arm, “If we go back downstairs we’ll have to talk to them again, and I’m too tired to do anything like that.”

Rei blinks back at him, unconvinced.

It is heartbreaking for Nagisa, thinking of all those lonely snacks, unloved in his overnight bag, but he feels like the spell will break if he even glances at his parents, that he’ll be transported back to a world where his parents are overly strict and don’t understand anything. He wants to stay locked away with Rei, in their little forcefield.

He’ll just share his food with everyone tomorrow. Gou can’t complain about healthy diets if she gets something extra nice, right?

“ _Seriously_ ,” Nagisa says, stretching up his arms, feeling his muscles ache with tension. “Let’s lie down.”

He flops back onto the bed and tugs Rei down with him. They lie facing each other and Nagisa buries his face against Rei’s neck, closes his eyes and breathes in Rei-chan, forgets the world, tunes out everything but the pulse beneath his skin. It’s still new to them, all this intimate stuff – they’ve barely been dating a month, and sure they’ve made out, and yeah it was _amazing_ , but this feels _different_ , somehow – more grown-up. He feels Rei, stiff and nervous, frowning as his hand comes down to rest tentatively on Nagisa’s hip, thumb stroking, soft and daring over the hint of bare skin where his school shirt has ridden up.

 “Rei-cha-,” Nagisa starts, but the words get stuck in his throat. He feels like he’s been awake for weeks. He can’t find the energy to fill the silence.

“You must be uncomfortable,” Rei says, hooking his finger in Nagisa’s tie and gently pulling it loose. “You’ve been wearing your uniform all day.”

“Oh, yeah. I guess so?” Nagisa says. He hadn’t really thought about it, but he sits up so Rei can lift the yellow sweater vest over his head.

“Will you at least allow me to find you some nightwear to change into?” Rei asks, as his long fingers work on the buttons of Nagisa’s shirt.

Nagisa _loves_ his collection of cute and brightly coloured nightwear, but he shakes his head.

“I don’t care,” he says. “Just stay close.”

“Very well,” Rei says.

“You should cuddle me,” Nagisa says, shuffling back into Rei who seems happy to indulge him. He wraps his arms around Nagisa from behind, lets his fingers trace gently between the gaps in Nagisa’s open shirt.

“Nagisa-kun,” Rei murmurs, soft against his ear, and Nagisa shudders, all he can do is tangle their legs and fingers together.

“N-Next year,” Nagisa says, eyes snapping open, thoughts racing frantically. “When Haru-chan and Mako-chan-” He feels panic bubbling in his chest, “What-”

“There’ll be plenty of time to prepare for that later,” Rei soothes, stroking his hair.

 _Later,_ Nagisa thinks, forcing the tension out of his body. _Later,_ he thinks, sighing softly, letting Rei’s warmth seep into his body like he’s a drained battery, slowly charging up. He closes his eyes, listens to Rei’s breathing, and he just wants to drift off to sleep for _at least_ a thousand years and yeah, actually, he thinks he might just do that –

Nagisa startles them both with a loud hiccup. Nagisa feels a jolt of movement behind him and turns just in time to watch Rei fall backwards off the bed, almost in slow motion, face struck with horror as he tugs half of the bed covers down with him and yelps.

“Rei-chan!” Nagisa cries, lurching forward to peer down the side of the bed.

“I appear to be…uninjured,” Rei says, sprawled on the floor, reaching to straighten his glasses.

Nagisa can’t help but giggle, when he’s sure Rei’s alright, and Rei looks pretty offended but Nagisa can’t stop laughing, can’t stop replaying the image of him, mouth open in a silence scream as he slipped backwards like an actor falling from a cliff in a low budget movie. It heals him, laughing so openly, makes him feel _normal._ It also totally makes his hiccups worse.

“Please stop laughing,” Rei cautions, climbing to his feet, shooing Nagisa off the bed so he can remake the covers.

“Rei-chan,” Nagisa says, hiccupping again when he’s finally stopped laughing. “You’ll have to scare me!”

“Scare you?”

“Yeah, you know, like – a scary story. It’s the only – way.”

“But my knowledge of horror is limited,” Rei says, anxiously. “I’m not sure I know anything well enough to provide a dramatic retelling.”

“Then I’ll – tell you one!”

“How will that help?” Rei squawks.

The end up sitting facing each other on the bed, squabbling about the best ways to get rid of hiccups until Nagisa throws his hands in the air and cheers because they’re _finally_ gone. He flops backwards, tugging the front of Rei’s shirt so he falls clumsily against Nagisa’s chest. Rei’s eyes are sharp and they’re a breath apart, a heartbeat away.

“You’re so silly _,”_ Nagisa says, flicking Rei’s nose.

“Me? _I’m_ silly?” Rei says, pouting a little.

When he huffs out a sigh, Nagisa feels it. Nagisa parts his lips reflexively, and Rei’s face softens and Nagisa can’t help it – he has to kiss him, just once, so gentle that their lips are barely touching. He was holding back in front of the others, they both were, because it’s new and it’s delicate, being like this with Rei-chan.

Nagisa still doesn’t know _exactly_ how he acquired a smart, adorable, dorky, super hot best friend-slash-boyfriend _,_ but he’s pretty pleased with himself for being persistent with Rei from the first second he realised just how special he was. The whole _boyfriend_ part just happened - after the whole clinging to Rei, begging him not to leave the team thing, it was sort of inevitable. And it had been embarrassing and heart-poundingly terrifying, telling the truth, clinging to Rei again, declaring big confusing feelings, but now they’re here. _Boyfriends._

They’ll think about all the serious stuff later, like how they’ll tell everyone, but for now they’re alone and there’s no reason to waste time worrying about all that.

Rei lies over Nagisa, weight resting his arms so he’s not really applying any pressure, but Nagisa’s pulse flutters anyway, as his cautious kisses become a little more deliberate. Nagisa shivers at every soft stroke – he feels so sensitive, like too much pressure might just split his skin. There’s something addictive, Nagisa has discovered, about pressing his boyfriend up against a wall and kissing his breath away, but right now he needs gentle, and Rei, smart as always, just seems to _know._

Nagisa likes Rei so much that it actually hurts.

He slips his arms out of his open school shirt and snakes them up under Rei’s shirt. Rei shudders and jerks back when Nagisa’s tongue sneaks into his mouth

“ _Nagisa-kun_ ,” he hisses, rolling onto his side. Nagisa shivers at the loss of heat.

“Is it bad?” Nagisa asks.

“O-of course not,” Rei says, “It’s just. After everything that’s happened, I wouldn’t want to-”

“If it’s okay,” Nagisa says, “Then kiss me.”

Rei pauses for a moment, brain ticking. Then his little frown edges out into a smile, so soft and slight that Nagisa is certain that his heart must be melting all over the bed. They’re close again, facing each other, lips meeting, more intentional this time, more daring. Rei’s hand is smooth as it traces down his spine, curving lower as his tongue licks slow and wet into Nagisa’s mouth. Nagisa feels so lucky to have Rei here, so thankful he’s not curled up remembering how things used to be, how tough things were back in middle school. He feels his energy returning, as he hooks one leg up over Rei’s hip and rolls his body closer, he feels powerful again, charged with hope and hormones as he breathes hot against Rei’s mouth and helps him out of his shirt.

He doesn’t _mean_ to get all hot and breathless, but he can’t exactly help it. Restraint isn’t exactly Nagisa’s strong point and he’s sure anyone would feel the same, if it was _their_ hands roaming over Rei’s smooth back, feeling the tense muscles beneath his skin. (And in Nagisa’s defence, Rei _might_ just have the best body ever to exist.) He doesn’t exactly plan to moan soft and long against Rei’s mouth, it just _happens,_ okay, it just happens and it makes them freeze.

“Nagisa-kun,” Rei says, breathless, a little urgent. “What-“

“Shhh,” Nagisa soothes, pressing fingers against Rei’s lips, replacing them with his mouth when he feels Rei relax.

The next bit just happens too, the part where they shuffle out of their clothes, a little desperately, all tangled limbs and awkward fumbling. Nagisa fingers stumble, uncoordinated around the clasp of his belt because there’s this weird heat coiling low in his belly. When he hears Rei unzip his trousers, he kind of starts to lose it. “Sorry,” Nagisa gasps, when tries to kick off his pink socks and his foot collides with Rei’s shin. Nagisa doesn’t really _do_ embarrassment, but he feels it now, over how clumsy and uncool he’s being.

As far as efficient stripping goes, they lack the skills of Haru-chan, but they get there, down to their underwear. Nagisa sweeps all the clothes to the floor and Rei’s face twists in devastation, just for a moment. One good kiss and he’s over it.

They lie, bare legs tangled and Nagisa’s so pleased that he’s finally found a situation where affectionate nuzzling is welcomed and one hundred percent appropriate. So pleased that somehow this whole situation has made Rei relax long enough to tolerate being this close without even apologising for it.  Nagisa feels Rei’s lips brush against his neck, and after a few more skilful kisses, the heat of Rei’s arousal against his thigh.

 _Oh,_ he thinks.

Nagisa _really_ wants to sneak his hand, impatient and curious, down the front of Rei’s sensible underwear, and find out how it feels to touch another boy, to touch _Rei-chan,_ but they haven’t exactly done this before. His long-term relationship goals _do_ involve touching everywhere that Rei will allow and a ton of orgasms and exploring the hell out of the that whole oral fixation he knows is lurking inside of him, but Rei startles easily and he doesn’t want to ruin anything. They should probably talk about it first, and while Nagisa’s instincts might be telling him to grab Rei by the shoulders and cheerfully proclaim ‘ _LET’S GIVE EACH OTHER BLOWJOBS!’,_ he should probably prepare some stuffy scientific way of asking _,_ something Rei can _relate_ to -

Footsteps on the stairs. They freeze. Rei looks horrified, eyes wide, hair mussed, cheeks flushed, and Nagisa’s pretty sure he’s a mirror image. Each step in the hall thuds in time with Nagisa’s pounding heart and Rei is tense, biting at hip lip, he’s going to panic and who can blame him, this is _terrible_. The steps pause outside Nagisa’s door and they shuffle apart a few inches but they can’t exactly go far, it’s only a single bed, but if they get out they’ll be standing in their underwear and fuck, _fuck_ , please don’t come in _, please don’t come in._

“Nagisa,” his mother calls through the door. “Aren’t you boys going to sleep?”

“Yep,” Nagisa calls out in the most innocent voice he can manage, “Just turning off the light now. Night mom!”

The lie facing away from each other breath sucked in and Nagisa tries desperately to think of _something_ to say when his mother walks in, some story about the dog ruining the guest blankets, except they haven’t had a dog for years so he doesn’t know, he’s all out of ideas on how to explain that he’s lying in bed in his underwear with his best friend, and god they were stupid, this is going to ruin _everything –_ forget being forced off the swim team, Nagisa is probably going to be imprisoned in the basement and fed only dry crackers for this rest of his life if _this_ is how they find out that he likes boys.

“Make sure that you do,” she says softly and then after a long tense moment, “Sleep well.” Her feet pad down the hall. They only let out they breath they were holding in when they hear a door close down the hall.

“That was close,” Nagisa hisses, hand pressed against his thumping heart. “So _close_. Oh my god – I’m so sorry.”

Rei only blinks in response. He appears to be both frozen and speechless.

Nagisa climbs out of bed to slide his desk chair against the door, wedging it underneath the handle. A lock would be better, but he’ll work with what he’s given. The cool night air gives Nagisa goosebumps and he feels so small suddenly, shivering in just his underwear. Rei places his glasses on the bedside table and he looks so pretty and _inviting,_ now that he’s stopped freaking out,tucked up in Nagisa’s bed with this look on his face that’s a little apprehensive, a little delicate. Nagisa turns off the light and shuffles back under the comfort of the blankets.

“Cold!” Rei squeaks, when Nagisa’s hands press against his back.

Nagisa wriggles as close as he can, shivering, seeking out the heat, wrapping his limbs around Rei who rubs his hands over Nagisa’s skin to warm him up. Nagisa squints at Rei’s face, searching for his pretty features in the dark, but he can’t quite see, so he finds them with his fingers, stroking down Rei’s nose, thumbing across his cheek.

“I haven’t cleaned my teeth,” Rei whispers, suddenly.

“It can wait,” Nagisa hums.

“Nagisa-kun,” Rei hisses, “There’s no room for negligence when it comes to dental hygiene-”

“Shhh,” Nagisa whispers. “Later. We’re going to _sleep_ , remember?”

“Yes,” Rei whispers back, shuddering as Nagisa presses a finger to his lips. “ _Sleep._ ”

“So, um. Here’s the thing,” Nagisa says, feeling unusually timid. “I’m like. Wide awake. I mean, I know I _should_ be tired, but my brain is kind of _wired_ , you know?”

“ _Oh_. Yes. Well. I can see how that might,” Rei clears his throat, “Cause problems.”

Nagisa’s heart flutters urgently. He’s glad it’s dark because he’s pretty sure he’s blushing like crazy, as his throat constricts around the words he’s about to say.

“Rei-chan,” he croaks out, “Touch me?”

Nagisa feels Rei’s whole body tense, face unreadable in the dark.

“Um,” he whispers, after a long moment of silence. “Do you mean…?”

“Yeah,” Nagisa breathes.

“N-now?”

“Do you want to?”

“I’d be concerned. About your parents.”

“We’ll be quiet… That is,” he says, eyes screwed shut, “If you want to.”

Rei is silent for a long moment.

“If you’re certain then… ah, what I mean is - _yes_. If you wouldn’t mind. I think I’d find that… quite pleasant.”

“ _Yay,”_ Nagisa whispers, pulse racing nervously.

He pushes forward for a nervous kiss. It lands a bit off-centre, almost on Rei’s nose.

“My lips are here,” Rei says, voice light and amused.

“Oh yeah,” Nagisa giggles. “It’s dark!”

 Rei’s hand trembles low on Nagisa’s back, hovering above his waistband.

“Nagisa-kun, after everything that’s happened,” he asks, voice shaking, “Are you sure this is... _appropriate_?”

“ _Rei-chan_ ,” Nagisa coos. “I’m _sure_. I’ve thought about this a lot, and I feel really close to you, and it just feels _right,_ you know?”

“A-Alright then,” Rei says, swallowing audibly.

It takes one last roll of Nagisa’s hips for emphasis to make Rei unwind, to get him to shift so he’s lying on top, weight pressing down this time. Rei had practically _died_ of embarrassment during their first kiss, and now he isn’t even trying to hide his face behind a pillow. Nagisa is truly amazed by his progress, but then, that’s Rei-chan - the super quick learner for most things (except swimming)!

 “Ouch,” Nagisa says, flinching when Rei’s hand rests down in the wrong place, “That’s my hair.”

“Sorry,” Rei splutters, sounding mortified, “I’ll be more careful.”

He’s true to his word – almost too cautious as he mouths at Nagisa’s neck, hands roaming over his chest, skimming down his ribs. Nagisa trembles when fingertips glide low on his belly, and usually he’d be all _hell yeah_ about Rei’s hand roaming into brand new territory, and he’d probably flip them over, work his hips, teeth tugging at Rei’s lip, but tonight he feels so embarrassingly sensitive, so _raw_ , and all he can do it lie back and try not to whimper. He keeps his breath sucked in as Rei touch moves lower, making Nagisa gasp as his neatly trimmed nails trace gently over the curve of his thigh.

 “I’m not. Um. Not entirely sure of how to proceed,” Rei admits. Nagisa can practically hear him blushing.

“Just make it up!” Nagisa says, petting his hair in reassurance. “That’s what I’m going to do.”

Rei makes a sound which suggests that he’s less-than-thrilled at the thought of _just making it up._

“C’mon, it’ll be easy! I mean, obviously you’ve touched your own before.”

“Nagisa-kun,” Rei gasps, scandalised.

“Eh, why are you embarrassed? There’s no need for any of that. Though for you, I bet it’s like, _‘I must master the theories of stimulating myself sexually!’”_

“Well,” Rei sniffs, sitting up. “On that vulgar note, it looks like I _will_ be going home after all.”

“Nooooo,” Nagisa wails, locking his arms around Rei’s waist.

And then Rei giggles. _Actually_ giggles.

“Rei-chan made a joke?”Nagisa gasps.

“Yes,” Rei confirms. “Just because my sense of humour is more refined than yours, doesn’t mean it’s non-existent.”

Nagisa grins. He’s so proud that he might actually applaud, if he wasn’t making an effort to be quiet.

“So,” Rei says, clearing his throat. “...I presume we should begin by undressing completely.”

“That’d help,” Nagisa says, and he doesn’t need any further encouragement to wriggle out of his underwear in one swift movement. “You too, Rei-chan.”

Rei takes his time sliding out of his own, building up the anticipation until the mood is all serious again, until the mattress is practically trembling in time with them both. They shuffle onto their sides, and press again each other, all hardness and heat, and, _god_ , they should’ve done this sooner, because fuck, that’s _amazing._ Nagisa shudders, wishing he had a cool superpower like night vision, because all he sees are outlines and shadows and he wants to see Rei, to see the cute way his face twists when Nagisa’s hand sneaks down to wrap around his cock.

Nagisa sucks in a big gasping breath when Rei cautiously takes him into his hand.

“Is it… okay?” Rei asks.

“It’s good,” Nagisa breathes, “ _Really_ good.”

They rock together slowly, with gentle little hand movements and murmurs lost in kisses, and Nagisa feels something ignite inside of him – heat and fondness, mingling together, slipping from his mouth in the shape of Rei’s name.

“So glad,” Nagisa says, “So glad I met you.”

“I’d despise it if you left,” Rei says, voice wobbling. “I couldn’t-”

“We’ll stay together, right?” Nagisa says, shifting his hand to grip Rei’s hip.  “ _Please._ Without Rei-chan, I can’t-”

Nagisa hears a choked little sound, too pained to be a moan. His fingers reach out, collide with wetness on Rei’s cheek.

“Rei-chan,” Nagisa gasps softly, “Are you _crying_?”

“O-of course not,” Rei snaps, but Nagisa feels his whole body trembling as his hands move to cover his own face.

Nagisa drags him into a hug, strokes his back all soothing and soft.

“Please don’t _cry,_ ” Nagisa begs, his own voice cracking, but it’s too late, he feels a frantic burst of emotion clouding in his chest, catching in his throat, spilling from his eyes in hot tears rolling down his cheeks.

“S-Sorry,” Rei stutters, breath hitching, “I don’t – understand _...”_

“Aren’t you happy?” Nagisa murmurs, wet face pressed into Rei’s shoulder.

“I am happy,” Rei insists, in a loud whisper, “I’m _honoured_ to be able to share such a… b-beautiful first time with you...”

“ _R-Rei-chan-_ “

They lie like that for a long moment, just clinging to each other, a mess of hot tears and quiet sobs, running noses smeared in a way that would definitely horrify Rei, if the lights were on.

And then suddenly it’s so funny, how tragic and pathetic they are, and Nagisa can’t help but giggle.

Rei makes a little offended sound, and then he’s laughing too, shoulders shaking silently, and Nagisa’s just lost in half-mad little giggles, eyes leaking tears, stomach cramped.

“I’ll get you a tissue,” Rei says eventually, catching his breath pushing back from Nagisa. “Tissues,” he repeats, fumbling around on the bedside table, knocking one of his plants to the floor with a crash. Rei whispers a hushed apology, and they freeze for a moment, holding their breath to see if anyone comes to investigate the noise.

“Here,” says Nagisa, leaning over to grab them, because he’s pretty skilled at finding them quickly in the dark.

“I sincerely apologise for such an,” Rei clears his throat, “Ugly emotional outburst…”

“ _Don’t,”_ Nagisa rolls on top of him. "Don’t you dare say sorry for being like the sweetest person in the entire universe.”

Rei sucks in a deep breath. “It was dreadful earlier, seeing you so upset. It doesn’t suit you at all. I want to see you always smiling because… you mean the world to me, Nagisa-kun,” Rei says and Nagisa feels sunlight bursting bright through clouds, flowers blooming, springing to life. He feels hope and adoration, feels _connected_ to the world.

He feels like himself.

“Rei-chan,” he gasps, nuzzling his head into Rei’s chest, lips curled up into the warmest smile.  

“It’s late,” Rei says into his hair, after a long moment. “And a school night. Do you think we should… go to sleep?”

“I mean, maybe we _should,”_ Nagisa says, “Except…”

“ _Except_ …” Rei repeats, curling his body helplessly closer.

“Except I was really having fun before,” Nagisa whispers.

Nagisa’s expecting at least a few protests, but instead he feels Rei smile against his lips, so he kisses him again, rolls his hips because Rei is a man of science and he’s all too happy to provide empirical evidence that he _doesn’t_ think they should go to sleep yet. It takes all of twenty seconds until they’re both hard again.

 “It’s too dark,” Nagisa pouts. “I wanna see your face. _”_

He kicks off the covers and leans up to twist his blinds open, so beams from the streetlight flood through, illuminating their skin with cool streaks of light. It’s still dim – not even close to perfect – but it’s an improvement – he can make out Rei’s features a little better, the point of his nose, his wide eyes, almost black in the dim light.

He can see the way his mouth parts and a gravelly little groan escapes when Nagisa rolls them onto their sides again and takes Rei into his hand. Just a few strokes and Nagisa’s the same, all dirty little whimpers, teeth digging into his own bottom lip in a desperate attempt to be quiet, but Nagisa’s not exactly great at holding himself back. He lets out a throaty moan. Rei whispers “shhhh” against his lips.

“Next time,” Nagisa whispers, arching into Rei’s touch. “We’ll make sure no one’s home.”

“There’ll be ambient lighting,” gasps Rei, stroking faster.

“We’ll be noisy,” Nagisa whispers, “So noisy.”

“I’ll see you clearly,” Rei chokes out. “You’ll look _so_ beautiful.”

It doesn’t last long, the actual touching, but Nagisa reckons that emotional first time fumbles don’t tend to. It’s amazing, while it lasts, the closeness, the impossible heat, Rei’s big hands, firm grip pulling Nagisa slowly apart. Nagisa’s own hand moving slick and fast, their lips crushed together, trying to stifle the little groans and whimpers, because they _can’t_ get caught, but they can’t stop either, can’t focus on anything else but this - breathless kisses, rougher now, sweaty bangs falling into Nagisa’s eyes, the dirty sounds of hands against skin, Rei’s palm sweet and slick, edging Nagisa towards climax.

 “ _Nagisa-kun_ ,” Rei grits out, his voice rough, edged with gravel, and then he’s trembling, spilling hot and messy onto Nagisa’s hand, onto his stomach, huffing out rough breaths as his teeth bite down on his lip, and he’s so cute, so hot, so fucking _perfect,_ that Nagisa would give up his lunch for the rest of the rest of his _life_ just to see this properly, Rei’s heated gaze, swollen lips, that pretty cock, panting hard, gasping for air, collapsed back against the mattress.

Nagisa darts out his tongue, tastes the come on his hand, and Rei lets out a little whine – caught somewhere between horror and arousal. He pushes down the bed and takes Nagisa into his mouth. Nagisa clasps his hands to his mouth to stop himself crying out because fuck, _oh god,_ he was not expecting _that,_ and the taste of Rei smeared sticky against his mouth only makes it hotter. Nagisa’s eyes slip shut as he melts into the mattress, all laid out and exposed, dazed and incoherent, murmured _fuck_ s and _Rei-chans,_ as Rei’s fingers stroke across his trembling thighs. He bites down on his hand, bites back _sobs,_ as he jerks his hips up in little pushes towards the heat of Rei’s mouth, and then he’s helpless, slipping away, leaving the room, leaving _the earth,_ gliding somewhere through space, up with the stars, as he comes inside Rei’s mouth.

After, he flops back onto the mattress, eyes slipping shut now all the tension has drained from his body, feeling like he’s made of jelly. Rei holds him, just strokes his back while they catch their breath.

“Next time,” Rei murmurs, “I’ll last longer.”

“Rei-chan,” Nagisa laughs weakly.

 “I mean it,” Rei says, and Nagisa opens his eyes. He can just about make out that he’s looking awfully serious. “It’s been a while since I’ve… you know. And I’d over-exerted myself, running all the way to Haruka-senpai’s place earlier. And,” he adds gravely, “The lighting wasn’t ideal.”

“The lighting…wasn’t ideal?” Nagisa repeats slowly.

“These things are _important_ , Nagisa-kun. Studies suggest that lighting conditions affect sexual performance, at least studies conducted on fruit flies do anyway, therefore-” 

“Rei-chan,” Nagisa groans, patting his arm. “Stop. It was _wonderful_. But you have to promise never to talk about fruit flies again while we’re naked. Or just like... ever _._ ”

“Science is applicable outside of the classroom, Nagisa-kun,” Rei sniffs.

“Of course it is,” Nagisa says, patting his head like a small animal. “Science is awesome and you can teach me all about it. Tomorrow,” he yawns. “I’m so sleepy.”

“Then let’s go to sleep.”

“Yeah, okay,” Nagisa grins. He nudges Rei’s cheek with his nose, until he turns his head for one last kiss. “Goodnight,” he hums.

He falls asleep in minutes.

 

Nagisa wakes to the sound of clattering, to sun glinting through his blinds. He groans. It’s desperately tragic that he’s awake. When he squints his eyes open, he finds Rei in front of his mirror, fussing with his hair.

“Mmm, Rei…chan?” he murmurs.

“Good morning, Nagisa-kun,” Rei chirps, sounding far too alert and cheerful.

“It’s like 5am,” he pats the empty space beside him, pouting. “Come back”

“I have to go home to shower and collect my uniform before school,” Rei insists.

Nagisa makes a noise of discontentment, which comes out sounding something like, “Merrrr.” He’s awake so early that it should be illegal, and he doesn’t even get a cuddle.

“How are you feeling?” Rei asks, crouching down, fingers brushing over his cheek.

“Mmm. Good.” Nagisa murmurs, nuzzling in to the touch.

“Very pleased to hear it,” Rei says, leaning down to replace his fingers with a soft kiss. “Then, I’ll be leaving.”

Nagisa wants to complain, wants to turn his cutest fluttering gaze in Rei’s direction, but he’s too tired to even keep his eyes open, and though he’s incredibly entertained at the thought of Rei squeezing himself into one of his spare uniforms, he’s not sure their teachers would appreciate the sight of Rei’s abs quite as much as he would. He sighs at the cruel fate of the world.

“Well then. I’ve set your alarm, so make sure that you arrive on time.”

“Rei-chan,” Nagisa says, blinking open his eyes to offer him a sunshine smile. “Thank you.”

“Go back to sleep,” Rei says, smiling softly back. “I’ll see you at school.”

**Author's Note:**

> my [tumblr](http://nagireigisa.tumblr.com/) is almost as embarrassing as me but if you wanna talk nagirei that's where i'll be


End file.
